Having parents who don't know I'm gay.

Well.

Let's start with the fact that I'm 100% sure they're ok with homosexuality and 80% sure they'll be ok with me being gay. So not many worries there. But lately, there's just been a lot of conversations and advice given that is just so directed towards the preconception that everyone is straight that I've had to hold back a laugh more than once.

Let's start with things my dad has said. Which is very minimal mind you, since he's usually at work. Anyways, a couple weeks ago, he told me that marrying a smart girl is crucial to the success and health of both me and my future kids. In conclusion he told me to find a girl like my mom to marry. Talk about an Oedipus complex. Ew. Needless to say I said that my mother really wasn't my type. Or the gender, but I didn't say that out loud.

Let's not forget the mixed signals my prom sent to my parents. My friends all knew I wasn't straight so when I asked a girl everyone knew we were going as friends. But of course my parents get on my back whether or not I like her for her hair, her eyes, her complexion, her personality... I just replied that I liked her for who she was. But that wasn't all. I accidentally let slip that she was going the same university and the same program as me. The torrential downpour of "is she the one" type of questions that ensued made me wish I moved out a month ago. Funny nonetheless.

More recently, I was stuck eating lunch with my mom (which I usually don't mind). However this lunch she insisted on watching this Korean dating show. Faaaaaantastic. She tells me to watch closely to learn what kind of "techniques" I need to pick up chicks. Not that I like guys or anything. Or the fact that I'm seeing someone already. But I let her continue. On and on asking what girls were my type and stuff. I'm glad I was hungry because I finished my lunch really quick so I could laugh about the situation in solitude.

Oh, did I mention that they can't wait for grandchildren?

Posting Habits

Not that it matters, but this blog will probably actually end up being your every-other-daily F.U.C.K. because I feel as though my forcing out a blog post every day, my quality of posts drops. 

In other news, I have an ask.fm account now. http://ask.fm/KoreanWonderBoy is the link. Feel free to ask any questions. 

I do have lots of stories to tell now though, so the daily-ness might keep up a bit. In the last few days I've:

a) Sneaked out of the house at 2:20 AM

b) Gotten stopped and questioned by the cops around 1AM... twice

Just to name a few. 

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Sunday, August 4th, 2013. Quality trumps quantity, so don't just try to exhibit as much as you can, as fast as you can. Put out your best; if it takes some time, so be it. 

Change of plans.

Well clearly yesterday I failed to post on my blog. If any of you care.

I was... partying. And let's just say I didn't really give a "F.U.C.K.". Not in the slightest.

I still do plan on posting daily mind you; the title of the blog wouldn't make sense otherwise! But sometimes, I'll miss a day. Oh well. I'll have stories to tell the next day. Like how I snuck out for the first time tonight. But that's for another day (perhaps tomorrow).

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Saturday, August 3rd, 2013. Sometimes, the river of life takes an unexpected turn; just keep your head held high, don't down, and go with the flow, because the journey is what matters.

Sleep Cycles

Everyone has one.

Before high school started, I dreaded the ever-so-frightening 90 degree position that the minute and hour hand could make on the clock that announced one thing and one thing only: my bedtime. 9 PM was when I had to go to bed for a very long time. No wonder I was able to get up an hour before school and watch whatever show was scheduled around then. I think I cycled through Recess, the Weekenders, Phineas and Ferb, Total Drama Island.... and probably a few other morning cartoons. But I digress.

After high school started, it wasn't long until I got a job (see: Books are to be bread.). My shifts at the library actually ended at 9, so of course I couldn't go to bed at 9. Also, a 14 year old going to bed at 9 is silly. So I went to bed later and later, using the excuse of "Oh, I'm just finishing my homework.". I also got fairly addicted to Minecraft the year I got a job... So you do the math.

After I quit the library job, I'd have more time to do homework and sleep early, right? HA you're funny.

I kept sleeping later and later, continuing to use the excuse of homework to appease my parents, until it came to the point where in grade 11, I had a bedtime of 3AM and I woke up for school at 7AM. I don't know how I survived, but that was the year I started drinking half a cup of coffee in the morning. It would also probably explain why I was so sleepy whenever biology class came around. Cellular division might've been interesting, but when it came down to the wire, it felt like I was trapped in an empty, soporific cell. (in case you don't know what soporific means... it means inducing sleep. But that's besides the point, because I made a silly and stupid pun that you should all have missed because it was that bad)

Grade 12, I changed a couple of things. I tried my best to go to bed around 1AM at the latest (still went against that multiple times, but I tried) and woke up at 6AM to go to school an hour early and exercise. Big change, but definitely for the better. I felt more energized for the day, and my sleepiness peaked daily around 3-5PM, just in time for me to slide in a quick nap once I got home. Perfect.

Now that it's summertime, I'm sleeping mostly 10 hours or so a night. Hopefully all that sleep does something for my height (or my acne) so cheers to that. And inversely, hopefully my sleep schedule doesn't go too out of whack when university rolls around the corner. You know, with all the parties that I'll be (not) invited to, and the piles of homework I'll be diligently (not) doing throughout the weekend evenings. What's your sleep schedule like?

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Thursday, August 1st, 2013. Having a schedule in life is a pleasant thing; you know what to expect and you can tailor how much time you spend doing things you do and don't enjoy depending on your needs. Sleep should be one of those needs; don't forget to schedule it in to your daily life filled with friends, family, and everything else.

Rain

The drops cascade downwards from the sky,
Flowing off the blackened clouds up so high,
Hurtling towards the earth below,
Melting, becoming water from snow.

I look up squinting towards the gloom,
The darkly dyed cotton that came in so soon,
Thanking the heavens for the gift of rain,
The heat finally conquered and the thirst slain.

The atmospheric curtains start to open,
The bright blue hues return, when did it ever happen?
Red to indigo painted all across the blue,
That it rained, it being the only clue.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for the 30th of July,
I ran out of ideas so I looked up to the sky,
I saw the gift of hydration so I sat down to write,
Just remember at the end of darkness there is always light.

My meds are also rat poison???

Well, apparently.

If you didn't know, I take coumadin, also known as warfarin. It's a blood thinner. What's that you ask? It basically makes my blood harder to clot. You know, when you slice your lips open with your own teeth (been there, done that) and it starts to bleed? For normal people, vitamin K and lots of other goodies in your blood help close up the wound. But my blood thinners reduce the amount of vitamin K produced in the liver; therefore, I bleed. A lot. Nosebleeds will be the bane of my existence.

So I guess you understand why it can be used as rat poison. The rats ingest the warfarin and basically undergo massive internal hemorrhaging. Pretty picture, ain't it? Don't worry, my dose is probably similar to the rat poison dose... and I'm approximately 200 times the size of a rat.

Why do I take this kind of medicine? Well, when I was approximately 7 years old, I was misdiagnosed by my family doctor one time I was sick. The doctor just thought it was the flu and prescribed some cold/flu medicine. But actually, I had the Kawasaki disease. No, it doesn't have anything to do with motorcycles.

I ended up with a fever so high that I was admitted to the hospital overnight, where they finally diagnosed me properly. Fortunately, the fever subsided overnight, and I was all better.

Not.

Well, the fever did subside. But while my body was desperately trying to kill off the virus by raising my internal furnace, my coronary arteries (the arteries that supply my heart muscles with blood) were disagreeing. Basically, picture my coronary arteries and my fever-inducing-parts-of-me (not sure what really induces a fever...) having a fight, and the fever winning... for a while. My coronary arteries starting swelling... and that's not good.

When the fever stopped, the swelling stopped. Thankfully. If the fever lasted any longer, they probably would've blown up. Literally. And I probably would have died.

So even though I was better from the Kawasaki disease, I had three aneurysms (swollen arteries). The aneurysms themselves weren't too much of a problem; it was the part of the artery right afterwards. When the arteries swelled, the area right after the ballooning part actually shrunk. Picture an artery with cholesterol build up. That's basically the end portions of my aneurysms, except replace the cholesterol with my artery wall.

So obviously I'm more susceptible to heart attacks. Which is why I take the meds to stop my blood from clotting too easily.

But at what cost?

Eh, it's something I've learned to live with. I have to check my blood clotting level (INR... don't know what that actually stands for) every so often, and take my meds nightly, but it doesn't stop my daily life too much. I'm not supposed to take part in any activities that might end up giving me a concussion because those can be fatal for me, but I did martial arts (black belt in TaeKwonDo), snowboarding (comfortable on most slopes), rock climbing (my favourite sport), as well as many other things.

Do you have any medical conditions? Take any meds? (maybe they're also rat poisons... who knows) Comment below or respond @KoreanWonderBoy on twitter.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Tuesday, July 30th, 2013. Every moment in your life is precious; you could literally be a blood clot, a misdiagnosis, a cough, a sneeze, an itch, a seizure, a stroke, a heart attack, or just one blink away from exhaling your final breath. Live with the people you love, saying things you mean, and lead your own way through life using your heart, not others' words.  

Less than something, more than nothing.

Why can't Koreans play hockey? 

Because every time they get into a corner, they open up a convenience store. 

Ha. 

I'm really tired tonight. 

I started working at my dad's convenience store today.

I also went rock climbing again for the first time since around May, back when I used to climb very regularly.

I don't know why I'm spacing after every sentence.

Maybe it's to hide the fact that this post has next to no substance. 

Maybe this daily thing won't work out.

Ha.

No, I'm going to see it through until the end.

Until that point, I guess you'll just have to deal with these short posts (the BF requested a short one anyways).

If you don't like it, I guess you'll just have to F.U.C.K. off, eh? 

Haha.

That was also a joke that my BF told me. 

...I've already gotten to the point where I'm stealing ideas for posts?

Nah, he told me he wanted me to put that joke somewhere.

Well.

That was your daily F.U.C.K for Monday, July 29th, 2013. Sometimes having not much to say is better than complaining about things that don't matter. Let the small stuff slide, don't sweat it, and our lives will be much happier. 

Hypotheticals

You're stuck in an office building, 27th floor, no electricity, no places to hide, and no places to run. What happened? Let's rewind.

You're on the 27th floor, cubicle on the far west side of the business department, working away at a presentation that your boss wants by 3 PM, sharp. You hear the elevator ding, and you look up to see a couple men dressed in black suits and various coloured ties walk out. You shrug as you sweep your gaze around the office floor before you get back to work.

To your left, you see the office building across the street. Being on the 27th floor, you don't worry about seeing much to distract you from your work: all you can see is the clear blue sky. You notice some storm clouds rolling in from far off, but you don't worry too much because you'll be at home before the storm hits, at least, according to the weather forecast. Not like you can trust those things.

In front of your cubicle, you see the elevator and what you essentially call the "gateway" into the fiery depths of hell that your job can be. But you need the money so you drag your feet through those gates every day early morning; you could say you're more than glad to look up from your cubicle from time to time to look at who comes and goes through the elevator, mostly wishing it was you leaving and not others.

Finally, to your right, you see the maze of cubicles that make up the rest of the office. You like having your own little corner on the far side of the floor because it gives you a sense of privacy, as well as the ability to scan the crowd once in a while, seeing who's up to what. Right now, it just seems like the daily hubbub, so you finally look back to your desk to continue working on that presentation.

Out of the corner of your procrastinating eye, you see the men in suits walk towards the centre of the maze of cubicles, talking quietly into their cellphones. You assume they have business with your boss: he seems to have visitors almost daily. Probably complaining about some new policy or something. You don't notice anything strange. 

Until one of them pulls out a gun.

You do a double take and glance over quickly, trying not to bring any attention to yourself. You quickly duck down again into the safety of your cubicle. You definitely saw a gun. After your heart stops attempting to burst out of your chest, you quietly glance over the top of your cubicle. It seems like they haven't done anything yet. Even so. It's a gun. The fact that they're still talking away quietly into their cellphones doesn't ease your suspicions either. 

You have two choices. You can either:

a) Take out your cellphone and call your boss. Unfortunately, you're not sure where your cellphone is; it might be on your desk, or in your briefcase (which you left beside the cubicle, meaning you could be seen).

b) Try to sneak past them in the maze of cubicles, hoping that your knowledge of paths through the maze can help you get to the elevators before the suited men do anything.

Which do you do? Comment below which option you want the story to go, or tweet @KoreanWonderBoy. Also tell me how you're liking it so far; it's my first time trying this kind of thing.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Sunday, July 28th. Sometimes a bit of creativity in your life can be hard to come by; embrace the ideas that you have, because they can become the start of something amazing.

Wrapping Up

Well guys, this is it. Tomorrow is my last day working at my job. Let's back up a bit though, shall we?

The moment I turned 14 (the working age here in Ontario, Canada) I applied to the local library. Why? Well, it was almost my home away from home at that point (see "Books are to be bread." post 2 days ago). As hopeful as I was that my cheerful presence almost daily at the library for the past few years would help my very empty resumé shine (yes I just did use an accent on the word resumé, multilingual keyboards are actually helpful sometimes), I was unsuccessful in getting the job. I tried again the year afterwards, and fortunately made it through! But... 6 months or so later, I quit the job. More on that another time though.

At the time I saw it as a great misfortune, but I think I learned a good lesson from what happened. You see, the library wasn't the only one who called me back the second year. When I was 15, my music teacher talked to me about a pianist position at her local church. Having played piano for 8 years, as well as having played piano at my dad's church, I knew my way around the kind of music that I would play: I guess you could say my experience was "note"worthy. So I got that job at the same time as the library job. Different from the library job however, I kept at this one.

And here we are today. (as I write this sentence, it's 12:03 midnight, so yes, we're here on the last day I work at the church.)

Back near the beginning of grade 11 (when I had been working there for approximately a year) I was approached by the minister and was told that my "work" habits were very poor. To explain, my piano skills weren't dropping so much as my head was nodding during the service. I was tired from staying up all night doing homework (mmhm, homework, believe it... that had piled up throughout the week because of the thing we like to call procrastination... at least I didn't leave it until Sunday night) and I wasn't particularly religious either, so the sermon felt like a lullaby to me early Sunday mornings. I was also really disorganized with music, having to constantly ask for new copies because I couldn't find the old ones. The minister let me know that if I didn't pedal my way into top gear (for those of you who don't know, that was a piano joke... you know... the pedals? Ok, I'll stop) I'd be let go.

So I fixed those habits.

Here I am today. The church and I have been through some rough days (like when I forgot to tell them that I was in a different country for one Sunday... oops) and some sad days (when the music teacher that had introduced me to the church passed away...) as well as happy days (when my birthday fell on one of the Sundays and they all wished me a good one) as well as some inspirational days (when a prematurely born baby of one of the regulars who came to the church kept getting healthier and healthier and is now a very happy baby). It's a shame that I really only found myself spiritually a month or two before my time there was over.

But that's a story for another time.

I know I'm going to miss the church and all the people in it; it really was an amazing job experience and I know I wouldn't nearly had as much fun if my piano sheet music was replaced with a cashier and my piano was replaced with a spatula (do you want fries with that?), not to mention the spectacular pay (musicians do really well... wow). I'll miss everything about it.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Saturday, July 27th. Value each and every community and family you become part of; there will always be a point in time when you will have to say goodbyes. Even though social media has evolved to a point where we will probably never stay out of touch for too long, nothing compares to the times you spend together offline. Because at the end of the day, whether you're saying goodbye to your family, your school, or your workplace, you want to be able to pat yourself on the back and say to yourself, "Good job." As for myself, well, it's a tad more literal.