Sleep Cycles

Everyone has one.

Before high school started, I dreaded the ever-so-frightening 90 degree position that the minute and hour hand could make on the clock that announced one thing and one thing only: my bedtime. 9 PM was when I had to go to bed for a very long time. No wonder I was able to get up an hour before school and watch whatever show was scheduled around then. I think I cycled through Recess, the Weekenders, Phineas and Ferb, Total Drama Island.... and probably a few other morning cartoons. But I digress.

After high school started, it wasn't long until I got a job (see: Books are to be bread.). My shifts at the library actually ended at 9, so of course I couldn't go to bed at 9. Also, a 14 year old going to bed at 9 is silly. So I went to bed later and later, using the excuse of "Oh, I'm just finishing my homework.". I also got fairly addicted to Minecraft the year I got a job... So you do the math.

After I quit the library job, I'd have more time to do homework and sleep early, right? HA you're funny.

I kept sleeping later and later, continuing to use the excuse of homework to appease my parents, until it came to the point where in grade 11, I had a bedtime of 3AM and I woke up for school at 7AM. I don't know how I survived, but that was the year I started drinking half a cup of coffee in the morning. It would also probably explain why I was so sleepy whenever biology class came around. Cellular division might've been interesting, but when it came down to the wire, it felt like I was trapped in an empty, soporific cell. (in case you don't know what soporific means... it means inducing sleep. But that's besides the point, because I made a silly and stupid pun that you should all have missed because it was that bad)

Grade 12, I changed a couple of things. I tried my best to go to bed around 1AM at the latest (still went against that multiple times, but I tried) and woke up at 6AM to go to school an hour early and exercise. Big change, but definitely for the better. I felt more energized for the day, and my sleepiness peaked daily around 3-5PM, just in time for me to slide in a quick nap once I got home. Perfect.

Now that it's summertime, I'm sleeping mostly 10 hours or so a night. Hopefully all that sleep does something for my height (or my acne) so cheers to that. And inversely, hopefully my sleep schedule doesn't go too out of whack when university rolls around the corner. You know, with all the parties that I'll be (not) invited to, and the piles of homework I'll be diligently (not) doing throughout the weekend evenings. What's your sleep schedule like?

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Thursday, August 1st, 2013. Having a schedule in life is a pleasant thing; you know what to expect and you can tailor how much time you spend doing things you do and don't enjoy depending on your needs. Sleep should be one of those needs; don't forget to schedule it in to your daily life filled with friends, family, and everything else.

Rain

The drops cascade downwards from the sky,
Flowing off the blackened clouds up so high,
Hurtling towards the earth below,
Melting, becoming water from snow.

I look up squinting towards the gloom,
The darkly dyed cotton that came in so soon,
Thanking the heavens for the gift of rain,
The heat finally conquered and the thirst slain.

The atmospheric curtains start to open,
The bright blue hues return, when did it ever happen?
Red to indigo painted all across the blue,
That it rained, it being the only clue.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for the 30th of July,
I ran out of ideas so I looked up to the sky,
I saw the gift of hydration so I sat down to write,
Just remember at the end of darkness there is always light.

My meds are also rat poison???

Well, apparently.

If you didn't know, I take coumadin, also known as warfarin. It's a blood thinner. What's that you ask? It basically makes my blood harder to clot. You know, when you slice your lips open with your own teeth (been there, done that) and it starts to bleed? For normal people, vitamin K and lots of other goodies in your blood help close up the wound. But my blood thinners reduce the amount of vitamin K produced in the liver; therefore, I bleed. A lot. Nosebleeds will be the bane of my existence.

So I guess you understand why it can be used as rat poison. The rats ingest the warfarin and basically undergo massive internal hemorrhaging. Pretty picture, ain't it? Don't worry, my dose is probably similar to the rat poison dose... and I'm approximately 200 times the size of a rat.

Why do I take this kind of medicine? Well, when I was approximately 7 years old, I was misdiagnosed by my family doctor one time I was sick. The doctor just thought it was the flu and prescribed some cold/flu medicine. But actually, I had the Kawasaki disease. No, it doesn't have anything to do with motorcycles.

I ended up with a fever so high that I was admitted to the hospital overnight, where they finally diagnosed me properly. Fortunately, the fever subsided overnight, and I was all better.

Not.

Well, the fever did subside. But while my body was desperately trying to kill off the virus by raising my internal furnace, my coronary arteries (the arteries that supply my heart muscles with blood) were disagreeing. Basically, picture my coronary arteries and my fever-inducing-parts-of-me (not sure what really induces a fever...) having a fight, and the fever winning... for a while. My coronary arteries starting swelling... and that's not good.

When the fever stopped, the swelling stopped. Thankfully. If the fever lasted any longer, they probably would've blown up. Literally. And I probably would have died.

So even though I was better from the Kawasaki disease, I had three aneurysms (swollen arteries). The aneurysms themselves weren't too much of a problem; it was the part of the artery right afterwards. When the arteries swelled, the area right after the ballooning part actually shrunk. Picture an artery with cholesterol build up. That's basically the end portions of my aneurysms, except replace the cholesterol with my artery wall.

So obviously I'm more susceptible to heart attacks. Which is why I take the meds to stop my blood from clotting too easily.

But at what cost?

Eh, it's something I've learned to live with. I have to check my blood clotting level (INR... don't know what that actually stands for) every so often, and take my meds nightly, but it doesn't stop my daily life too much. I'm not supposed to take part in any activities that might end up giving me a concussion because those can be fatal for me, but I did martial arts (black belt in TaeKwonDo), snowboarding (comfortable on most slopes), rock climbing (my favourite sport), as well as many other things.

Do you have any medical conditions? Take any meds? (maybe they're also rat poisons... who knows) Comment below or respond @KoreanWonderBoy on twitter.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Tuesday, July 30th, 2013. Every moment in your life is precious; you could literally be a blood clot, a misdiagnosis, a cough, a sneeze, an itch, a seizure, a stroke, a heart attack, or just one blink away from exhaling your final breath. Live with the people you love, saying things you mean, and lead your own way through life using your heart, not others' words.  

Less than something, more than nothing.

Why can't Koreans play hockey? 

Because every time they get into a corner, they open up a convenience store. 

Ha. 

I'm really tired tonight. 

I started working at my dad's convenience store today.

I also went rock climbing again for the first time since around May, back when I used to climb very regularly.

I don't know why I'm spacing after every sentence.

Maybe it's to hide the fact that this post has next to no substance. 

Maybe this daily thing won't work out.

Ha.

No, I'm going to see it through until the end.

Until that point, I guess you'll just have to deal with these short posts (the BF requested a short one anyways).

If you don't like it, I guess you'll just have to F.U.C.K. off, eh? 

Haha.

That was also a joke that my BF told me. 

...I've already gotten to the point where I'm stealing ideas for posts?

Nah, he told me he wanted me to put that joke somewhere.

Well.

That was your daily F.U.C.K for Monday, July 29th, 2013. Sometimes having not much to say is better than complaining about things that don't matter. Let the small stuff slide, don't sweat it, and our lives will be much happier. 

Hypotheticals

You're stuck in an office building, 27th floor, no electricity, no places to hide, and no places to run. What happened? Let's rewind.

You're on the 27th floor, cubicle on the far west side of the business department, working away at a presentation that your boss wants by 3 PM, sharp. You hear the elevator ding, and you look up to see a couple men dressed in black suits and various coloured ties walk out. You shrug as you sweep your gaze around the office floor before you get back to work.

To your left, you see the office building across the street. Being on the 27th floor, you don't worry about seeing much to distract you from your work: all you can see is the clear blue sky. You notice some storm clouds rolling in from far off, but you don't worry too much because you'll be at home before the storm hits, at least, according to the weather forecast. Not like you can trust those things.

In front of your cubicle, you see the elevator and what you essentially call the "gateway" into the fiery depths of hell that your job can be. But you need the money so you drag your feet through those gates every day early morning; you could say you're more than glad to look up from your cubicle from time to time to look at who comes and goes through the elevator, mostly wishing it was you leaving and not others.

Finally, to your right, you see the maze of cubicles that make up the rest of the office. You like having your own little corner on the far side of the floor because it gives you a sense of privacy, as well as the ability to scan the crowd once in a while, seeing who's up to what. Right now, it just seems like the daily hubbub, so you finally look back to your desk to continue working on that presentation.

Out of the corner of your procrastinating eye, you see the men in suits walk towards the centre of the maze of cubicles, talking quietly into their cellphones. You assume they have business with your boss: he seems to have visitors almost daily. Probably complaining about some new policy or something. You don't notice anything strange. 

Until one of them pulls out a gun.

You do a double take and glance over quickly, trying not to bring any attention to yourself. You quickly duck down again into the safety of your cubicle. You definitely saw a gun. After your heart stops attempting to burst out of your chest, you quietly glance over the top of your cubicle. It seems like they haven't done anything yet. Even so. It's a gun. The fact that they're still talking away quietly into their cellphones doesn't ease your suspicions either. 

You have two choices. You can either:

a) Take out your cellphone and call your boss. Unfortunately, you're not sure where your cellphone is; it might be on your desk, or in your briefcase (which you left beside the cubicle, meaning you could be seen).

b) Try to sneak past them in the maze of cubicles, hoping that your knowledge of paths through the maze can help you get to the elevators before the suited men do anything.

Which do you do? Comment below which option you want the story to go, or tweet @KoreanWonderBoy. Also tell me how you're liking it so far; it's my first time trying this kind of thing.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Sunday, July 28th. Sometimes a bit of creativity in your life can be hard to come by; embrace the ideas that you have, because they can become the start of something amazing.

Wrapping Up

Well guys, this is it. Tomorrow is my last day working at my job. Let's back up a bit though, shall we?

The moment I turned 14 (the working age here in Ontario, Canada) I applied to the local library. Why? Well, it was almost my home away from home at that point (see "Books are to be bread." post 2 days ago). As hopeful as I was that my cheerful presence almost daily at the library for the past few years would help my very empty resumé shine (yes I just did use an accent on the word resumé, multilingual keyboards are actually helpful sometimes), I was unsuccessful in getting the job. I tried again the year afterwards, and fortunately made it through! But... 6 months or so later, I quit the job. More on that another time though.

At the time I saw it as a great misfortune, but I think I learned a good lesson from what happened. You see, the library wasn't the only one who called me back the second year. When I was 15, my music teacher talked to me about a pianist position at her local church. Having played piano for 8 years, as well as having played piano at my dad's church, I knew my way around the kind of music that I would play: I guess you could say my experience was "note"worthy. So I got that job at the same time as the library job. Different from the library job however, I kept at this one.

And here we are today. (as I write this sentence, it's 12:03 midnight, so yes, we're here on the last day I work at the church.)

Back near the beginning of grade 11 (when I had been working there for approximately a year) I was approached by the minister and was told that my "work" habits were very poor. To explain, my piano skills weren't dropping so much as my head was nodding during the service. I was tired from staying up all night doing homework (mmhm, homework, believe it... that had piled up throughout the week because of the thing we like to call procrastination... at least I didn't leave it until Sunday night) and I wasn't particularly religious either, so the sermon felt like a lullaby to me early Sunday mornings. I was also really disorganized with music, having to constantly ask for new copies because I couldn't find the old ones. The minister let me know that if I didn't pedal my way into top gear (for those of you who don't know, that was a piano joke... you know... the pedals? Ok, I'll stop) I'd be let go.

So I fixed those habits.

Here I am today. The church and I have been through some rough days (like when I forgot to tell them that I was in a different country for one Sunday... oops) and some sad days (when the music teacher that had introduced me to the church passed away...) as well as happy days (when my birthday fell on one of the Sundays and they all wished me a good one) as well as some inspirational days (when a prematurely born baby of one of the regulars who came to the church kept getting healthier and healthier and is now a very happy baby). It's a shame that I really only found myself spiritually a month or two before my time there was over.

But that's a story for another time.

I know I'm going to miss the church and all the people in it; it really was an amazing job experience and I know I wouldn't nearly had as much fun if my piano sheet music was replaced with a cashier and my piano was replaced with a spatula (do you want fries with that?), not to mention the spectacular pay (musicians do really well... wow). I'll miss everything about it.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Saturday, July 27th. Value each and every community and family you become part of; there will always be a point in time when you will have to say goodbyes. Even though social media has evolved to a point where we will probably never stay out of touch for too long, nothing compares to the times you spend together offline. Because at the end of the day, whether you're saying goodbye to your family, your school, or your workplace, you want to be able to pat yourself on the back and say to yourself, "Good job." As for myself, well, it's a tad more literal.

Counting Sleep

Sleep is a fickle thing.

It avoids us when we need it the most: when you're trying to fall asleep the night before a vacation you've been looking forwards to all month, or when you actually went to bed early because you need to be up at 4 AM to catch a flight.

It catches up with us when we need it the least: when you're frantically trying to cram 12 chapters of cellular division as well as the entire historical civilization of Canada (at least it wasn't South Korea; I hear the history textbooks there have an entire textbook dedicated to serve as a giant table of contents), or when you're trying to keep your eye on the flashing sign on the bus that alerts you about what the next stop is, only to find that in the 2 minutes you fell asleep, you've passed your bus stop. Fantastic.

You can prolong its withdrawal symptoms with coffee. But don't even get me started on how fickle caffeine can be. Some people eat a chocolate bar as an afternoon snack and can't fall asleep at 10 PM, while others drink 3 cans of energy drinks and a couple shots of espresso and still pass out before they even have a chance to change into their PJ's.

So here I am, sitting at my desk with my laptop open, empty box of cheerios beside me for the midnight munchies, computer clock screaming at me that it's already past 3 AM in the morning, typing away at a blog that probably no-one will read. After not being able to decide what to write about for the past 6 hours, finally as I start dozing off while watching yet another episode of Master Chef, of course I get the inspiration for a blog post literally right before I clicked the satisfying button to turn my computer off. Well, sleep is for the weak(end) and tonight's Friday. Er, I suppose you could say Friday night is already the weekend. Also technically 3 AM would mean it's already Saturday. Bah, who cares.

This has been your daily F.U.C.K. for Friday (Saturday?) July 26th, 2013. Even though society pushes children at every public and private school across the nation to strive for A's, it shouldn't be forgotten that at the end of the day, it's also crucial to catch some Z's; because our dreams are where we explore, where we create, and where we can be free.

Books are to be bread.

The thing about libraries is that nobody takes advantage of them anymore.

People nowadays ask themselves, "Why would I leave the comfort of my cramped, low lighting, zero air flow, too high/low temperature, fumigation-needed, and limited wifi and bandwidth room?" Well, I think you just answered your own question. But hold the phone. (Or mouse/keyboard/tablet/psychic prowess, whichever you use to access your daily F.U.C.K.) Let me rewind a bit.

Like any normal day, I decided to take the subway downtown to visit the University of Toronto and its library.

... who am I kidding? Do I ever go out? Excuse me? What is this Vitamin D producing, warmth inducing, depression reducing "sun" you speak of? As if an Internet mole such as I would ever venture out in the open outside, let alone take the subway to a place I've never been before...

Ok ok, that's not me either. Doesn't help that A.W. (boyfriend... names in general will be initialized for privacy's sake) has a car. And is also planning on going to the University of Toronto come September. Which would make everything come together. So now you know; that's why libraries are on the mind.

When I was younger, I lived down tbe street from our local public library. I basically lived there: after school, on weekends, and any time I had free you could find me there. (I had no friends don't judge me... just kidding, over protective Asian parents made sure I never got to go to friends' houses on weekdays) With the free wifi, a cooling air flow system called an AC (Asian parents strike again... too expensive to run ours for very long), lots of books, and vending machines for the rare hunger pang, I was set.

Did I mention the free wifi? Then again my wifi privileges were... iffy back then so the friendly solace of unlimited usage was a godsend back in the day. And don't even get me started on the button on the vending machine that gave you free pop. (Unfortunately fixed now)

So of course, when I turned the age at which you can't really hold a real job but your parents start refusing to pay for a lot of things, I looked to the library for a job. And I got one! Little did I know about the secrets that go on in the library. Some were good, some were ridiculous, but others were disgusting. Take your pick! Here's a couple (if you've managed to get this far without tl;dr-ing that is).

1. Homeless people.

Maybe I was just unobservant. Maybe it was my childhood innocence assuming that any old people with long unkept hair/beards with dirty clothes and a bag full of random stuff were just adventurers travelling through our little town. But wow. The library is the homeless hotspot. Not that I mind of course; I'd rather them be inside than outside especially during hot summer days and cold winter evenings. But when I worked there, I started to recognize them. And that's not a good sign. Because that means they'll recognize you too.

2. Wtf? What the actual...?

Some weird shit (apologies for the language but it's appropriate for the location of this point) goes on in the bathrooms. One shift, I had to take a quick leak, only to discover that someone had left a loaf of bread on the top of the toilet paper dispenser in one of the stalls. An entire loaf of bread. BREAD. What??? I was legitimately stunned, thoughts such as "What's the employee protocol for this?" or "Who brings bread into the washroom... and forgets about it??" or even "I guess someone was just loafing around...". Needless to say, that loaf had been bread astray.

3. Old employees. Really old.

So I still remember my memories of all the nice granny librarians who would check out my books for me and would be quite nice to me. Clearly the nice ones stay at circulation while the not-so-nice ones stay behind the scenes. I swear, there would always be one or two of them lurking behind a corner while I was shelving books, just ready to pounce if I shelved a book wrong or waved hello to someone (because heaven forbid if I help someone find a book... because that wasn't allowed either). Didn't hurt that a couple of them looked like lemon addicts who had just discovered limes.

...And the list goes on but I don't think anyone has the patience or the time to read all of this anyways; kudos to you if you made it this far... comment below with your favourite book if you got this far. But that's my library experience in a nutshell. I can imagine how many different experiences I would've had if I worked a different position, like circulation; I'm sure there's a healthy proportion of library patrons that are essentially clinically insane. It would explain the bread.

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Thursday, July 25th. Literacy is an opportunity that shouldn't be wasted; let's flip another page in our lives and be authors to be remembered for our generation's next chapter.

Call me Hank.

Why hello there. Nice seeing you here. Chances are, if you're stumbling across this blog you're either:

a) travelling the deepest swirling depths of the vast universe known as the strands of webbing cast by the goddess spider, Internet,
b) a close enough friend in real life to have burrowed your way into my life online, only to discover that my internet persona is merely an amplified version of parts of my personality, or
c) following me on Twitter or YouTube.

...I guess I could've just mentioned the last option, because clearly those two sources are basically going to be the reason for 99.9% of my traffic. Aka 1 or 2 people. Right? Right. Well, let's get on with it.

What do I plan on posting? Well, I'm an optimistic, high school graduated, level-headed, Korean, Canadian, gay (in both definitions of the word), university-bound, eloquent (hopefully haha), social guy who just sometimes has a lot to say. Whether it be contradictory Asian parenting, a first relationship, relentless internet drama, or just fun times out with friends, you'll find most typical as well as many atypical topics for any 18 year old to be talking about on this blog.

So do you think you're interested? Well, favourite this page (yes, I did just use the Canadian spelling of favourite, get over it, the word looks better with the 'u') or follow me on Blogger (no clue how that works so don't even bother asking) or whatnot. Or if you're following me on twitter, I'll be tweeting out posts anyhow to save you the trouble. Unless you think I'm just conceited and think that more people want to read what I have to say than in reality... then of course you don't have to do anything. But you're here to begin with... right?

This was your daily F.U.C.K. for Wednesday, July 24th. Here's to accepting the present as a gift; let's embrace tomorrow with open arms.